Tuesday, 18 November 2014

The 18 People You Meet on Twitter

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

We're all part of the digital age.

Where we used to have to earn pocket money to buy a £10 Pay-As-You-Go phone, we're now part of a generation of young people who receive iPhone's for their 8th birthday and learn vocabulary via social media.

Twitter is a breeding ground for people from all walks of life. But I can guarantee that you'll find at least one or two of the following people on your timeline...

1. The Fandom-ettes

Regardless of whether you follow a large amount of Directioners or Whovians, there's always at least someone on your timeline endlessly tweeting about their idol for attention or a follow.

Some like to keep it under wraps by directly tweeting the object of their desire, but if you follow them both, you're in for a lot of 'please follow me back' spam on your timeline.

Look out for talk of 'mutuals'.

2. The Indirect Tweeters

Two people, who either obviously love or hate each other, constantly tweeting about one another but never directly mentioning them by name, is  another common one to come across.

Sometimes you might even just want to jump in and tell them to stop what they're doing or move it somewhere else. Sometimes it can provide for an evening of entertainment.

3. The Parody Accounts

These guys.

Consistently made up of one or a few guys who had that tweet that one time that got 56k RT's and 38k Favourites but never quite managed to grasp on to those heights of Twitter fame and post anything else nearly as worthy.

4. The 'I'm just here to meet new people' Guy

Once in a while, some middle-aged guy will follow you with the most honest of intentions.

Some people like to use Twitter as a means to meet new people on the internet.

Look out for something along the lines of 'just your average 33y/o male, looking for some fun. tweet me, i follow back' in their bio.

5. The 'I'm different from all the other girls on Twitter' Girl

...may also be know as 'basic white girl'.

Far-off look, with an air of disregard, complete with pout, (sometimes two of the same picture alongside eachother) in icon: Check.
90's Tattoo Choker: Check.
Automated Horoscope Tweets: Check.

Most likely to: tweet AM lyrics. Probably, Do I Wanna Know.

6. The Part-Time 'I care about things' Tweeter

Go gender equality and all that.

I'm a full believer in equality between the sexes but I wouldn't call myself a feminist.

I am also an advocate for animal rights - I don't give half-arsed opinions about it on Twitter though.

Fair enough if you believe in a cause and want to make a change. Total props to you.

Unfortunately through social media, I am sometimes subject to people giving their what-for with a lack of knowledge and understanding on a certain subject.

Hard to ignore and not jump in with your opinion, but not worth the hassle.

7. The Selfie Queen

Every single fucking minute of every single fucking day. Have these people not heard of Instagram?

Even worse when said selfies are perhaps arranged in an arty horizontal flip. OMG two of you???

I despair.

8. The Twitter Famous Kids

With well over a couple of thousand followers, you sometimes wonder how this seemingly normal teenager has gained such popularity over the social networking site.

Were those followers paid for?

Did this particular individual do something really big so that loads of people wanted to interact with them?

No matter what the reason may be, every time one of them chooses to follow you (and it's not solely to then un-follow you as soon as you follow them back) it does ignite a little excitement.

Imagine that, worthy enough of a follow...

9. The Girl Who Posts Nudes

I don't want to be scrolling through my timeline and then suddenly attacked by someone's nipples and/or arse.

I'm not really sure what possesses girls to put images of themselves online, barely covered up.

Perhaps aspiring models, it's their choice afterall, but I'll be swiftly unfollowing so I can stomach my breakfast.

10. The #I #Hashtag #Everything #Guy

#Hashtags #are #now #irrelevant #on #the #site #that #made #them #a #thing.

In the last few years, Twitter have changed their search model, meaning that you don't really need hashtags unless you're providing a click-able search.

Other than ways to enter competitions or to catch-up on some event live-tweeting, some people have found this hard to let go of.

11. The 'I Lift' Guy

One of my friends once went out with this guy.

This guy probably rarely tweets, but when he does, it probably includes a selfie at the gym and a mention of eating around 100 McDonald's cheeseburgers.

Most likely to tweet: "on a bulk" (probably alongside numerous muscley arm emoji's) and also quite fond of the humble brag.

12. The 'I'll Help You Gain Followers' Girl

How irritating. You get onto your timeline and all you can see are people you follow tweeting or retweeting about gaining more followers.

Usually done through 'following everyone who rt's', this is such an annoyance to wade through and grants a lot of unfollows from me.

Who are you to grant me access to new followers? Is this your job? No.

I'm sorry, I'm just not on Twitter to be popular. I'm on Twitter to rant and complain. Most likely about people like this.

13. The #TeamFollowBack.. Team

Similar to that of above, this just involves things like follow trains and hashtags and retweeting someone's last 5 tweets and vice versa.

We're at number 13 now, why are people on Twitter so annoying?

...and what the hell is a follow train???

14. The Cheeky Nando's Chino Wanker

It's feasible to assume that he has a quiff and wears Lynx Africa.

Most likely to: audition for The X Factor next year and tweet every Sunday about how last night was 'messy'.

Probably going out with the 'I'm different from all the other girls on Twitter' girl.

15. The Girl Who Literally Can't Even

Often linked with the fandomettes - these girls simply can't control their feelings on Twitter.

Everything hurts. Fans of abbreviating most words, look out for: omg, idk, rn, fu, fgs, smh.

Most likely to: not be able to string a coherent sentence together.

16. The Unoriginal One

A fan of copying other people's tweets for the sole purpose of gaining popularity through retweets and favourites.

The worst kind of Twitter user.

17. The Average Joe's

The greatest people you will ever meet.

The in-betweeners (not Jay & co.), the 140 character snippets of a normal person's life. 

Mostly your best friends and school-mates.

18. The Egg

The quintessential Twitter user, known by the masses.

Hasn't tweeted. Hasn't personalised their profile.

But they're still there, lurking, watching, judging.

Will maybe retweet you once then disappear until the following year.

This post is in no way meant to offend anyone, it's just an idea that came to me whilst I was scrolling through my timeline.

I'm even betting that one or two of them apply to myself!

Leave a comment below on any type of Twitter account I may have missed or that annoys you.

Thanks for reading!

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